Where do you feel it? She asks 
as I grip pillow tight look for 
visceral cues inside body that is 
hiding. My somatic experience is 
turn cushion over turn cushion over 
sip on dregs of coffee cream another 
flat white. I look in mirror to cover
spots correct colour skin tone shine
still as grim as when I woke up. 
In my non-Lavender Haze I meet Taylor 
at midnight digging through old 
hurts to demystify new ones. 
I swallow red pills green pills dog-ear
another book as I decode thoughts
unfelt feelings rising up. I click through 
Wednesday White Lotus Heartbreak High
awaiting inspiration strike. On writing days 
I manicure pedicure file nails straight
look down phone rings Instagram ping 
When will I give up? My daily planner
writes out tomorrow as I mastermind 
posts Google Analytics symbolism
Canva templates. My recurring dream 
is me in Math exam no answers just
blankness. Yesterday I barre reformed
sweated on good side of mat endorphins 
the cure to all of this? My rosary beads rusty 
with wait I flit through them as if waiting for 
divine intervention... Some days I piano rehearse
four-ingredient oatmeal Milo strolls happy-adjacent
but mostly I plummet.