“Where do thoughts come from?” is something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. I feel like I’ve reached a standstill in the version of me I am trying to birth. New experiences, new events don’t seem to have that inspiring reaction they used to before I started “getting sick”. Now it seems as if every day is a struggle. And, by struggle, I mean going from one thing to the next is really hard.
When you are “getting well” people will tell you things like “play the long game”. They will advise you to measure your progress in weeks, or months, instead of days and to keep a positive outlook. Hypothetically speaking, I was a big believer in all that. But, realistically, I find that I am having a hard time swallowing it.
If change starts on the thinking level, then shouldn’t I be able to birth happiness just by changing my thoughts? Why has it been a few months and the only real change I have witnessed is how long my hair is growing.
When you “get sick”, people will also tell you that you are not the best judge of yourself. That, alone, you can’t really see the change happening underneath the surface. If they’re especially eloquent, they’ll tell you that others are your mirror to yourself. I have said this myself to people, but seem to have a problem implementing it, in my own life.
“You have to walk before you run” is another cliché that’s been thrown at me a lot. Apparently, I am quite the runner. Whether it is in therapy, or in my piano lessons, I have frequently been told to slow down. And yet, those same people preaching the “slow life” seem to always be on the move.
I’m not gonna whine more about how I seem to be standing still. I’m too old and too smart for that. I will, however, say that the cure to sadness or sickness seems to start with excitement. The more excited and curious you can get about your life, the more it feels like movement has taken place.
Today is a day like every other, today is a day like no other.
The difference between those two is only how much you cherish the day.
Girl With One Earring
You’re on to something 🙂 “excitement”…I call it “adventure”…(From an existential perspective it would be called “meaning”). I have noticed that adventure is super tricky.. we need to find that sweet spot between too much “excitement/adventure” that will overstimulate a sensitive nervous system 🙂 and too little of it that it would put that same nervous system into a numb (frozen) state. it’s a “molokhia” kind of recipe…we’ll get it wrong many times before we get it right…then we’ll get it wrong again.
On the topic of change starts with thought…hmm…I think that you can think something and not believe it…and it’s hard to believe something if you don’t have evidence…and that evidence is often found in a combination of critical thinking and emotional engagement resulting in action…action reinforces thoughts and feelings..”birthing” beliefs.
On the topic of pace…easy does it:) I was watching an old tv program. Both Nour El Sherif and Hussein Fahmy were interviewed. I noticed how slow their speech was. They took time to pause, reflect and slowly answer…it’s much faster now…”on the move” does not entail a certain speed..we can be on the move…الحركة بركة…but the movement can be slow and intentional…like driving..you maintain a safe speed, you accelerate when it’s possible, decelerate when you need to and come to a stand still when you have to. It’s also how nature works…
You got me thinking again 🙂 and your concluding paragraph is spot on 🙌…
You got me thinking!
The Molokheya thing cracked me up haha. I actually learned how to make it but have never exercised that and so I’ve definitely forgotten.
I agree about the action thing a lot. I feel like this year especially I’m learning more to “do” things and kind of just see how they work out and not judge. I used to think I could predict if I would enjoy something or not but that’s really not true.
Yes, agreed. It’s really hard to resist how fast the world is moving, with phones and e-mails and ads and everything at the speed of light. I was actually thinking about that at work the other day. Dumb example, but when I’m working on the internet I tend to open a lot of tabs if one is loading slow and now I’m trying to make a pointed effort to be like “maybe this is the computer telling you it needs time, to stick with it, before moving on to the next thing”. So I let it load.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts ❤️
Welcome back 👏👏👏