It is regular Monday morning and I am scrolling through my list of friends wondering if there’s anyone I can call up to meet for coffee. I am bored and I’m looking for entertainment that can only come in the form of liaising with another human being. Nour is probably at work on some kind of conference call, so will be impossible to reach. Farida may be free, but I remember she had a new project she was starting, so most likely won’t be available to meet. The other Nour is most definitely in her office running her small team in order to meet this week’s deadlines. Hana undoubtedly won’t surface until after the weekend, having to travel to Gouna for a company brainstorming retreat. Farah is juggling between her psych job at the school and her own small business, so definitely does not have time for me. I take track of my list of friends noticing a running theme between them: they are all working women.

In today’s world, even in the Middle East, it is rare to find a woman who is not employed. The demands of the modern life, whether personal or familial, make it so that a one-income household has become the exception, not the rule. Every woman out there is hustling, trying to find her place in the world or simply wanting to put some food on the table for her and her family. I don’t know how they do it. As a non-working woman (for now) I already spend all of my time between writing, exercising and just living my life. I couldn’t imagine adding to my timetable a full time job and a house to run.

My mom is not a working woman yet she is always doing things. Today I went with her to our flat in New Giza where we met the plumber who was installing the sink. We took a tally of all the adjustments that needed to be made for the plumbing in the house to run smoothly and went away with a sink that still needed a hole to be drilled into it, so that it could be attached to its pipe. I was left with a headache and the overwhelmed feeling of anxiety. She seemed perfectly fine. For her it was just a normal Monday morning, one of a hundred errands she was always running. We took stalk of what needed to be accomplished for next time and went back to the house so she could continue working on her PHD research. I just stood there in awe looking at her as she fielded off one of a hundred phone calls she was always getting. from those who needed her:

Resala, the charity that collects money from us every month, looking for a donation

Her best friend, calling to discuss the new cabinets they want to install in the second house

Any of the 3+ people who work for us asking for groceries, vacations, additional money …etc

My dad, my brother (or myself) reminding her of something we are missing at home

The ironing man needing someone to pick him up from Midan Juhayna

Her sister wanting to go over either of their work/ studies

Her brother calling with a cold or medical situation and needing medication suggestions

The guy who drops off a new mop head every month telling her he’s here

Her mom, checking in  

Some other person who wants or needs something from her

It was jarring for me to see what life in our little privileged bubble of the world demanded, let alone adding to that things like a daily commute, food that needed to be cooked or children that needed to be raised.

My best friend recently got pregnant. She has a full time job at a top tech company which she will be leaving soon to take her maternity leave. In a conversation with her she confessed how much she is looking forward to maternity leave. “Finally, a break from work,” she proclaimed giddily. It of course fell to me to remind her that a baby isn’t exactly a vacation, but from where she was standing, knee deep in calls and more calls, one person making demands of you was better than 100. It was eye-opening to me that work could be so all-encompassing that having a baby could be seen as a “break” from that.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the plight of the modern working woman. How she has to be everything to everybody at the same time. A mother. A wife. A daughter. A friend. A manager. An employee. There’s something messed up with the system that it has fallen to women to suddenly play all roles. I know that the feminist movement liberated us in a lot of ways, but does it still count as liberation if roles only get added to your account, while none get subtracted? Is it fair that the same person running the household and raising the children also has to bring in the bacon?

In Ali Wong’s Baby Cobra the comedienne recounts her dreams of being a trophy wife. She states that “feminism is the worst thing that ever happened to women” explaining how our job used to be “no job” and lamenting over the beauty that doing nothing would be (while being a working woman herself). Personally, I have been a working woman before and I agree with much of the sentiment on work and women. We can’t do it all. Wherever we put our energy something else always falls through the cracks. For most of us it is our social life that takes the first hit. Friends and family coming second to work and babies.

But, even well aware of what the problem is, I don’t know what the solution might be. Is there some way to go back in time and undo the “progress” that women have made? Is there some way to get our employers or husbands to understand the myriad of a roles that a woman plays in today’s world? Is there some way to live responsibly but freely?

Another one of my best friends has made it a mission to always have fresh food on the table for her husband. She cooks from scratch every day while juggling a full-time job, housekeepers, babies and the like. We all know it is unsustainable and that she has set herself up for failure, however, it is something that brings her joy. Cooking is where she escapes, and although it might not make logistical sense, it is what she has chosen (for now). What corners do we cut to fulfill our roles? Is there a way around the impending burn out? Where should we, as women, start?

I used to be the world’s most vocal feminist but now I’m thinking that the patriarchy has rigged the game. Why isn’t it the man’s job to remember that we are running out of toilet paper at home? Why is it that when a baby craps its pants the first person everyone looks toward is the mother? Do men ever get called “hysterical” when they’re passionate at work, or is this a purely female phenomenon? Sorry I may have bled over to a slightly feminist rant. A part of me believes that working women are to be celebrated more than working men because of the efforts I know women put into doing it all. A part of me believes in equality and wants to say something like, “so you work? So does everyone else.” I am aware that we have fought for the right to work and climb that career ladder. Notwithstanding, the first part usually wins over.

At my last job I was working for a female-led media company. Most of the team were women, with one man taking the male role on the team. The company offered days off when you are on your period, something I had never encountered in all of the male-led jobs I had previously had. It blew my mind but also got me thinking why this wasn’t the usual at all companies. Why does one gender have to surreptitiously fight for its rights? Why do we still need to be vocal about things like equal pay?

I won’t go in a spin off on men vs. women. That would take all day and likely not accomplish anything. What I will leave you guys off with is a series of questions.

Do you- as a working woman- feel like you are seen and heard?

Do you have to fight and argue more than do?

Do you hide parts of yourself to fulfill roles you did not sign up for?

Here’s to the working women. May we be them (if we want to). May we know them. May we raise them? Jury’s out on the last one 😉

Tirelessly yours,

Girl With One Earring