“Foko el fak, relax your eyebrows,” Salma utters from my laptop screen as I try in vain to keep another sweaty grunt in, swear words gathering on the tip of my tongue. It is day 15 of my attempt to get back in shape and I am doing Class with Salma, an updated take on the Barre Method, off video recordings on my computer. I blink at the screen taking in my half assed plank and the numbers Salma is counting down 8…7…6…5…4… and I give up halfway through, elating in the relaxation that takes over my body as I lower my knees. I scan down taking stock of how I am doing and come to the conclusion that I am not faring much better than I did on day one or two. When is this gonna get easier?
If you’ve ever worked out a day in your life, you can attest to the fact that it’s hard. Not only that it’s hard, but that it must be hard for you to believe it’s really working. If your thighs are not burning and your breath is not coming in short bursts, there’s probably something you’re doing wrong. Personally, I was never a big fan of the “work out”, I didn’t see the point in getting sweaty and breathless and forgetting my name as I did sets of crunches or reps of bicep curls. What I believed in— still believe in— was yoga, a practice designed to challenge/realign your soul as well as work out your muscles. But lately yoga just hasn’t been cutting it for me. Whenever I try and go into that space of focusing on my breathing and controlling my mind, I inevitably end up frustrated and defeated. Instead of feeling refreshed, I feel like I have failed and my motivation to do it again goes down. So, I decide to cut myself some slack. If yoga isn’t doing it for me at this phase in my life, maybe something else is needed and so I turned (or returned) to Class with Salma.
A little backstory: I first found out about Salma’s barre class at her sister’s wedding in the middle of the desert. We were standing in line to eat the mandi that had been cooking for hours under the ground— in true Bedouin fashion— and I overheard her describe to a mutual friend something about a workout class she had just started. I can’t remember if I interrupted their conversation to find out more or if I came across her Facebook group much later, but I do remember that my curiosity was piqued: what was this new thing that Salma had started?
I never intended to actually go to the class. I thought it was just a cool thing that I could say that my friend did and wanted to keep it at that. But Farida— a mutual friend of ours— was encouraged to go and fired me up to go with her (she volunteered to drive). At the time, Salma still only gave classes in her studio in Maadi, so going from 6th of October was a serious commitment. The day shone bright and early, really early (if I remember correctly we moved at like 6am or something), and we actually made it to the class and I immediately fell in love. For all of those not in the know (I wasn’t either, believe me) barre – or the Barre Method— is kind of a mix of ballet and pilates. It is a workout form that dancers use to strengthen their individual muscle groups and focuses a lot on isometric holds and small, slow movements (and occasionally pulses). Salma’s barre class— at the time I had not been to other barre classes so I couldn’t compare— also focuses a lot on body awareness and breathing. Whether it is through her emphasis on stretching or her slow cool down method, Salma brings mindfulness to her class, combining my favourite thing about yoga with a “tougher” workout.
When I found myself struggling to get in the zone during my yoga practice, I immediately flashbacked to barre and how energized and spent it had made me feel. I had been insanely committed to barre for a good year (somewhere around 2018), waking up early, commuting, going to two, sometimes three, classes a week and I found myself missing that strength and inner stillness that it provided. So, I decided to try again. I felt like maybe I once again needed a workout where energy was expended outwards, and barre seemed like the perfect fit. A little toning without too much sweating. If you want to get fit “from the ground up” I really recommend barre. More so than anything else I’ve tried it strengthens your body, and your perception of your body, in a way that is subtle yet powerful. With each tiny movement you find yourself going into muscle groups you didn’t know existed and working on your breathing, your posture and your balance. My return to barre has not been easy (evidenced above). Unlike the physical classes—I just can’t commute anymore— there isn’t that collective “we’re in the trenches together” group feeling when you’re working off a recording. Also, there’s no instructor to push you and call you out on your shit. What it has been, though, is necessary. I needed something guided and hard so I wouldn’t focus too much on how much I didn’t want to be doing this. So, I wouldn’t spiral into my thoughts.
I think everyone has that story about how they fell in love with movement. Weirdly, I don’t have just one such story but three such stories. As a teenager my mother and I discovered Ashtanga yoga, via a class in Zamalek that was taught in a studio behind Beano’s. The class was a Mysore class (self-led) and I loved the idea of pacing myself and establishing my own rhythm. The poses were hard and the focus on breathing was new to me, but there was something about waking up early and moving my body that really awakened a different part of my brain. I remember the smell of incense in the studio and the yoga instructor’s dog coming to rest next to me as I lay in Shavasana. Yoga got me to dwell on my body and how it moved in the world as well as work out my problems as I held tougher and tougher poses. I was never the athletic type, in fact, I was always vehemently opposed to exercise of any type. I had spent most of my young adult life playing tennis and the fitness required for it, as well as the precision of hitting the ball the right way just didn’t fire me up. Yoga, on the other hand, was slow enough that I could really get into it. It was about more than just hardiness, and I found myself really embracing the philosophy with everything it stood for. We went for about a month or two, until the commuting became too much for us to manage. I think I continued to do the sequence on my own at home for a long time, but I never transgressed after a certain stage.
Years later I found my love of exercise in running. I was going through a tough time personally and put my running shoes on just as an experiment to see if movement would alleviate some of the pain and anger I felt on a daily basis. I had no idea how to actually run, had not yet discovered the guided runs on the Nike running app, and so I just put a playlist on and moved my body to a slow rhythm. Until this day listening to J.Cole’s K.O.D album makes me want to get up and move. Running was different than other sport forms I had tried because it was such a solitary experience. It was all about being there by yourself, with your thoughts, and putting one foot in front of the other. I ran for months, building my time up from 20min to like 45min. I ran in different cities and countries, taking my running shoes with me wherever I traveled, majorly dedicated to the cause. Experiencing a city by running its streets is still my favourite way of exploring somewhere new. But running didn’t stay with me. Eventually my anger subsided, and I could not keep up the tough workout that shook the entire body.
After that I found barre. Barre had enough of what I loved about yoga, without the intenseness of running but with the same muscular strain. Barre was kind of the best of both worlds, with an added bonus of having its own little community that brought me joy and gave me a sense of belonging.
Today I exercise more out of necessity than love. In the past year or two I gained maybe 8 kilos and so I made my way back to exercise in an effort to lose the weight. I just have to say that exercising because you must has a completely different flavour to it than exercising because you want to. Both give similar longstanding results, but the approach and gentleness needed to make the work out count is vastly superior when you are not exercising for a cause. My friend Nevine echoed this statement when she explained to me that every time she exercises to lose weight she gives up fast, vs. when she exercises to do something she loves.
I think exercise is what you make it. If you are entering it with the frame of mind of “I want to get fit”, vs. “I want to move”, there is a sense of joy that is also removed. Regardless of your approach, the endorphins always kick in to give you that feeling of happiness and success, but if you are doing it out of love for your body, instead of out of judgement and hate, there is a bigger chance of the routine will stick with you and yield its restorative results.
Six years ago, when I was in a pretty bleak stage at work, my mom recommended I see a therapist. She was worried that I was letting the job get to me too much and had seen the transformation that happened to me when I took on this responsibility. I went from being a fun-loving dedicated member of society, to someone who was extremely self-critical and devoid of hope and happiness. I humored her and went to see the man and the first thing he recommended was exercise, not just regular exercise but exercise that would really get me to sweat. If you are in a tough place in your life and have so far neglected moving your body is a priority, I really recommend it. Not just that, I’d say it was the place to start. The small wins you get from working out and the general increase in happy hormones outweigh any pill or prescription.
Today I slot my exercising time as I would any medication I am taking. It is a necessity, not a luxury. As long as I am moving my body I know that I can take on anything that life has to offer. As long as I am growing stronger and enlarging my container— so to speak— I know that things will be fine. Exercise teaches you patience, continuity, and commitment. Exercise grows you, teaching you that you can handle any obstacle that comes your way. But mostly, exercise grounds you, making you aware of all that your body has to offer.
See you on the field.
Motivatedly yours,
Girl With One Earring
