Women and/of Islam

Living
27.05.25

What is gender? In today’s world we are surrounded by the concept of gender and women, non-binary people and everything in between. We’re very confused, to say the least. In the Islamic world we are always asking the question: What is right? Are we okay? How do we pray? When do we pray? Is the Prophet-PBUH- one of us? I have fought with the idea of women in Islam. I’ve researched divine femininity and tried to figure out how my brain works, whether or not music helps or hurts. I feel like a junkie who just can’t get enough of ego. Today, I am attempting to write this piece. I am trying to figure out if there is “a” way. I’ve always tried to figure out if there is a way. Which path we are supposed to walk in life. To do this, I’ve been researching women in Islam, wondering if they could stand the pain that is in this modern body. If all of the information-overload would fit inside them? If they, somehow, “get” it (and I dont).

6 years ago, I read a book on the Feminine experience in religion. The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, by Sue Monk Kidd. I really emoted with it. I am forever, always trying to find the women in Islam— my religion. The ones to look up to and emulate. Like Khadijah and Aisha, the wives of the Prophet (PBUH), or Fatima his daughter. Maryam, Mary, mother of Jesus. And of course the saints and rulers: Rabi’ah al Adaweyya, Shajarat al Durr, the Queen of Sheba, to name a few. But, for the most part they seem to be erased from today’s world.

I have always loved the story of Khadija. She is of course known as the first wife of the Prophet and the first one to follow him into Islam. She was a courageous woman who used her dowry to support poor women and children in getting married and even proposed to the Prophet knowing he was the best match for her. Although she was a widow, having married twice before, she was also a successful merchant and used her riches to finance her life with the Prophet. Aisha, another role model, I look up to for her dedication knowledge and preserving the Sira of the Prophet after his death. She is known as one of the main sources for Hadith, something that today would be unthought for a woman. Maryam, holds a very special place in my heart and in Islam. She is famous for her piety and love. I have often wondered if she is considered a Prophet as well. The Qur’aan mentions her 70 times and there is even a sura named after her. She is known in texts as al-Quanitah and is of course, famous for the miraculous birth of baby Jesus (Issa) and the extreme devotion she showed. Rabi’a al-Adawiyya I first heard of in a Sufism course I took in Santa Barbara at UCSB. She is a trickster for me. Extremely devoted to God, I interpret her as having not lived enough in the present and yet she is considered a holy saint, men al Awliyaa, an ascetic and a poet.She is said to have performed Tahajudd nightly and subsisted on little sleep (a fact which I can’t even imagine). Finally, if you live in Egypt you have undoubtedly heard of one of the greatest female rulers to govern this country: Shajar al-Durr. Beginning as a slave, and then becoming the ruler of the Sultanate of Egypt, she is known for her strength and governance and how she forged her husband’s signature in the battle against the Crusaders and led her people to victory. Coins were minted in her name and she is considered one of the strongest women in leadership.

For me, my aunt and mother are also strong Muslim women. Each of them uses history as a sword, my aunt in her theological interpretation and my mother in her art and architecture studies. They aim to contribute to Muslim history, as I hope to as well.

What bugs me today, when I observe media and education and even the stories we tell our friends or children (those who have them), is that, for the most part, their stories, that of all of these courageous women, do not really reach us except through dry and standardized texts and curricula that have been written by men. Where are the movies and the books about Muslim women? Where are the women leaders in Islamic community, in mosques, in jurispudence? Especially here, in the birth place of Islam (The “Middle East”)?

In today’s world we don’t know what to be. If we should care about the way we look. If we should care about the way we act. If reading on these people and their paths is of importance. If sunlight and taking care of oneself is enough. I’ve tried to emulate what I understand of them and of literature in general. A smile. Kindness. Being good to oneself. Being good to the people we love.

I am currently listening to Selena Gomez’ new album as she jams about her fiancé’s “big” “big” heart. It grosses me out. And yet, I also see that she is a woman who suffered health trials physically and mentally and has emerged stronger. I’m typing this in the car on the way back from a meeting, as I have vowed to myself to uphold a new writing practice. What do I do with this one precious life? Is it listening to Selena Gomez? Is it listening to Qu’raan?

How do we live? And what do we want to be?

I am aware that there are hardships and we grieve them together.

Have courage,