“Bright lip or dark lip?” I ask her turning my head towards the mirror. “Dark.” “Hair up or down?” “Down.” “Open toed or close-toed shoes? “Open, I think.” It’s day three of another wedding extravaganza and I have my mom cornered asking her the usual pre-event questions. I scuttle back to my room, rollers in my hair, half-dressed, one shoe hanging off my foot, checking the time to make sure I haven’t missed the entrance. I attempt to rush the process as much as I can, forgoing straightening my hair at the hairdresser’s and doing it myself, and then applying my makeup as fast as humanly possible. Considering the amount of practice I’ve had getting ready for events, one would think that I’d have the system down pat at this point, but for some reason every wedding or engagement brings with it its own quotient of stress and anxiety. I make my way out of the house, pinning my dress shut at the bust at the last minute (because it had entirely too much décolletage), spritzing on a layer of perfume and voila I am wedding- ready.
When you live in a country with as big a social scene as Egypt, weddings naturally become a part of your routine. Every month or so there is a new occasion, sometimes up to three in a row. My personal best was I think two weekends in a row both filled with weddings on both days. In Egypt every season is wedding season, and it’s up to us to look the part, bring the energy and impart the smiles. Personally, I find it funny to see that this age-old tradition has survived up until this point. That no matter the bride and groom, or how original they are, there is always a wedding celebration of some sort, be it local or destination.
Recently I was invited to a friend’s wedding in Siwa. The ceremony was beautiful, the location magical and all of the little tidbits around the wedding done with so much taste and beautifully executed. And yet, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking what this wedding weekend was costing the bride and groom. Is one (or two or three) nights of partying really worth the expense it incurs? Who are we getting married for? Ourselves or our families?
I was never one of those little girls that dreams about her wedding day. In fact, I was never one of those girls that necessarily thinks she will get married in the first place. Until this day I always use the “if” clause before talking about any potential nuptials in my future and respond with “maybe” when asked if I ever see myself getting married. Firstly, because I don’t know if I believe that you can love someone so much you might want to spend your whole life with them, and secondly because I think it is insanely ludicrous to waste as much money, time and energy for what is essentially one night (or two or three) of partying.
It is known that marriage as an institution used to be one of convenience for the family involved. The wealthy oil heiress has to find herself a partner with the same wealth, so mommy and daddy arrange a marriage for her. Nowadays most people get married for love, although more and more couples are getting divorced early on. When asked if any of them regret their weddings most of my family and friends responded with a resounding “no”. No matter how extravagant their party had been, they all seem to think this one night of good fun was worth it.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s the princess vibe that does it, at least for the girls. If deep down every female really wants to live her princess fantasy, including the living happily ever after part. Why not take this same amount of money and invest it in your honeymoon? Or better yet a charity of your choosing? If you’re so dead-set on parting with your cash, at least do something useful with it. It actually blows my mind that no matter your economic standing, weddings are a phenomenon amongst all walks of life. The poor often break the bank in an attempt to get themselves married “the right way.”
It’s not just the wedding that’s the problem, it’s the whole array of events attached to it. The erayet fatha, the engagement, the henna, the katb ketab, the wedding party, the after party (if you’re so inclinced, the after erayet fatha party and the after engagement party as well). It’s enough to leave any sane man overwhelmed. And yet even given my general shitty attitude and lack of belief in weddings, I love them. I love that everybody dresses up in their best outfits, I love that they are mostly a night of dancing and partying, I love the warmth and the love that comes with celebrating people you care about. I think if weddings were to end they would definitely leave us worse off.
A few years ago one of my best friends got married to her best friend. It was an elaborate affair in her house, with tables and chairs fabricated especially for the event and guests from all over the world coming just to celebrate the bride and groom. I remember seeing friends of mine from my year abroad in California, people I grew up with, and people I had recently met and become close to. I wondered if we would ever have gotten together like this if it wasn’t for the wedding and was so glad that we had an event to reunite us. Until this day I see a lot of my friends who live abroad around wedding celebrations. Wanting to celebrate with the bride and groom, many of my friends will book their return tickets in relation to when a wedding is happening. In that regard weddings do really bring people closer together.
My aunt tells the story of how she met my uncle at a wedding. Their eyes locked across the dancefloor, and he came up to her and started dancing with her. Something like a year later they were married. Weddings are a known place to meet potential significant others. I have known many a couple that either met or got together at a wedding, something I guess not that surprising with all of the romance in the air.
Personally- and I loathe to admit this- weddings make me nostalgic. I weeped the first time one of my friends got married and when my best friend was getting married I treated the whole process as if I was losing her forever. I didn’t think I would be, but I am definitely a crier. I guess the inner romantic in me only comes out when I see people promising themselves to each other forever (you know, in theory, since we don’t have vows at our ceremonies). There is a lot I would change about the structure of weddings today. I would simplify the whole affair, from the makeup to the decorations to the photographers to the DJs. I would try and incorporate elements that are true to the bride and groom, whether it be vows, a particular playlist or the guests in attendance. I don’t know about abroad, but here in Egypt it often feels like weddings, especially the wedding guest list, are just a duty you fulfill by your parents. And finally, I guess I would make sure I am having this party for the right reasons. That I’m not just doing it because everyone else does. That I’m not breaking the bank to fulfill a tradition. That having this celebration is truly something I want.
No matter how much I love them or how much fun I have at them, in my book the verdict is still out on weddings. Maybe someday I’ll find out for myself.
Till then, blissfully yours,
Girl With One Earring
