I looked at my bank account becoming very conscious of the two digit number staring back at me.This was a first. Never before in my life had I reached such desperate times and I didn’t know what to do about it. What do you do when your money runs out? Money is a sensitive topic in the Middle East. Whether or not you have it, you always talk about it in low and hushed tones. Watch out for hassad. Emsek el khashab. Money –we are taught—is something that comes and goes easily, so we need to be careful how we use it.

 I grew up in a family that was relatively comfortable money-wise. I was given a lot of privileges that many of my classmates did not enjoy, such as living in a house with a garden or being able to go on holiday. And yet, I still ended up amongst the poorest of them. The more I progressed in my career, the more diverse my jobs became, the more money I spent. I did not follow a traditional “climb the ladder” philosophy and it showed in the contents of my wallet. No matter what I did, I was often left flat broke. Consequently, I have recently tried to embrace more enriching and abundance-bringing philosophies. They led me to wonder a lot about us as a people and our relationship to money.

Why is money taboo?

Why don’t we talk about our wealth?

Why do we rarely pay it forward?

My first foray into the world of money started in school when my mom would dole me out an exact amount out of a “Bonheft” (paper money) at school with which I could buy a slice of pizza and a drink. I could reconfigure this sum to get x amount of cookies, but it was always the same amount. I was never given complete control over the Bonheft lest I overspend, hence I always had to be particularly conscious of how I spent those 3.00LE.

My journey progressed to high school and college where I would receive a generous allowance that I spent of Frappuccinos and books. I was conscious of money, but I also knew that the source was renewable. As the only girl in the family, my dad tended to pamper me whenever he could.

This and other things led to my relative downfall at the beginning of work. My first job paid me way above market value while my second job didn’t even scrape the barrel. I was unaware of how to negotiate my worth and what avenues my money could take me down. When I made enough, I would spend it all on a trip, not saving any for a rainy day.

But should I have been saving for a rainy day?

There are a ton of beliefs and idioms about money and each one of us represents a different ray on the spectrum. If I were to ask you now what your beliefs are about money, I guarantee that I would get hundreds of different answers. From “a penny saved is a penny earned” to “money is power” to “all that glitters is not gold”. Thus, I have come to believe that there is no right and wrong when it comes to money. But there are a lot of questions. Starting with: what do you do when you have no money?  

The answer to that should be fairly straightforward: you work hard until you get it. Nonetheless, I have recently come across some literature that believes that abundance is a mental state you put yourself in before you get the money. That you can bring about your own wealth if you believe in it hard enough. I’m not gonna go into the details of subconscious-priming that this literature expanded on (to that end I would recommend the book Think and Get Rich) I will however comment on the fact that it seems as if there may be a mental state before getting the money that focuses on visualizing it. You can’t make money unless you believe you can. And then of course you work hard and you do.

Accordingly, some people might ask themselves the concurring question, so what do you do when you do have money?

Recently I had a conversation with some friends of mine regarding investment possibilities and what each of them had done to grow their fortunes (“fortunes” being a relative term, as most of them still live modestly). We talked a lot about this phenomenon of “neshaghal el feloos” and what it means to diversify your revenue streams. I can’t say I was really able to keep up with the conversation, but it did open my eyes to how uneducated I was about money and the avenues it could go down. It also got me questioning if my ineptitude with money is all because of this belief about “hassad”.

If you have grown up in the Middle East you have definitely heard the term “hassad” used before. You have probably slaughtered a sheep when you’ve been down and out or a goat when you’ve had something to celebrate. You have bought yourself a little evil eye keychain to hang in your new car and refrained from telling your friends about your latest raise. I don’t know if this hassad stuff is true, if we really can “curse” each other for want of someone else’s fortune, I do, however, believe that the fear of hassad has set us back as a people.By not sharing ourselves we are losing out on a lot of the exchanged growth that comes from opening up about something which is important to us. All of the how tos we can exchange and the pain we can spare others are done away with out of fear.I’m not talking about a complete soul baring experience, but I do wonder if we would grow more as individuals if we exchanged our money stories.

Flash forward to me staring at my screen and wondering what do with my remaining 23LE.

Do I spend it?

Do I save it?

What is 23 LE really worth?

I didn’t have an answer.

When it comes to money, I have always been about ideals. My core belief about money is that it’s always renewing itself and that the universe always has more to give, my current predicament included. You may call me naive, but life has proven me right. Whenever I have been down and out something has come along to provide.

Thus, I invite you to question your core beliefs about money and what it represents to you. Dig deep into your inherited mannerisms and question what is out there to learn. Share with others (as much as you feel comfortable doing) and see what happens.

Conservatively and abundantly yours,

Girl With One Earring