As I sit in another coffee shop debating – and asking out loud- if I should get a coffee or a matcha, I begin to think that the problem might be me. It seems that I am forever caught up in this cycle of “should I pick the healthy option, or the less healthy one?”. I don’t know if this is something that happens to other people, this weird health obsession that seems to permeate all of my decision-making. Should I watch another episode of Dynasty or sit outside and read in the garden? Should I use the organic all-natural cleanser or the one with salicylic acid- the one that’s proven to fight pimples? Should I have the regular yoghurt or the cultured Greek one? It’s as if there’s a version in my head of how life “should” be lived for me to be my most fulfilled self and and a version of how it is actually lived (this is not the same as being my “best” self, which seems to imply Thursday night wine nights and traveling to Costa Rica). There are the enlightened beings that meditate, work out, eat healthy, and somehow manage to lead creative and productive lives, and the “others”. I don’t know what it necessarily means to be an Other, but it has more to do with following the crowd, going through the motions, working a nondescript office job…being called Joe or Mohamed (sorry to blaspheme).

I think on some level we all hold or harbour a secret idealized version of what we would want our lives to look like if we “got it together”. For me this often includes an image of myself living at the beach, practicing yoga and writing all the time. This is probably something I saw on Pinterest or Instagram at one point or other and imprinted on, but whatever. It is what it is.

I think on some level we all hold or harbour a secret idealized version of what we would want our lives to look like if we “got it together”

 Lately, it is often summed up in the question: Should I be drinking coffee?

Don’t ask me why, but coffee- for me- is a very contentious topic.  The problem starts with the fact that I genuinely like coffee. I like the taste of it. I like the smell. I like the experience of brewing it or putting the filter in and letting it seep until it’s ready to be pressed. Lately, I also like grinding the beans and sniffing them. However, there is a part of me that is deeply convinced that coffee is “bad” for me. I’m not saying having one coffee every now and then is an issue, it’s more the idea of adopting coffee as a lifestyle. Because, to me,  if I let myself like coffee and get used to coffee, I will have to adopt coffee as a habit, and I’m not too certain that drinking coffee is a good habit to have (it is a stimulant). But still, I can’t help myself. The thing about coffee- more so than tea or matcha- is that it’s a little bit culty. You “have to” drink coffee. Everybody drinks coffee. Coffee is seen as this miracle substance that most of the population relies on to start their day. I have friends who put the coffee pot on before they’ve even washed their faces or gone to the bathroom (please tell me you’re not one of those…). So, in the times when I’m doubting the benefits of coffee drinking for my body, I’m never really sure how much of it has to do with the substance itself and how much of it is a reaction to a specific lifestyle that I associate with the people who drink coffee.

Am I drinking coffee for the coffee or am I drinking coffee to fit in?

Does coffee make me more hard-working?

More sophisticated?

Faster?

On some deep level I seem to believe that coffee makes me a more driven human being. But how much of that is a choice, and how much of it is media brainwashing, I wonder…

What do you guys think? Am I right or am I just overcomplicating the whole thing. Is it “just” a coffee?

The idealized version of me knows the ins and outs of all herbs, stimulants and health repercussions. Unfortunately, she still doesn’t exist yet, so I only have you guys.

Share ahead! xxx

Girl With One Earring